Thursday, May 24, 2012

Bad writing sample of the day

These gems mean job security for me!! These are from some award applications I have been editing. Think they'd win any awards this way?
"A major design and construction challenge to completion of the facilities was the volume of projects required to be concurrently designed not only due to fiscal year funding impacts but the need to have projects completed so as to not lose construction seasons due to severe winter weather conditions."

This is how I changed it:
"The team designed a high volume of projects concurrently to meet fiscal year requirements and proceed before severe winter weather." 

Sometimes my brain hurts!

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